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I do this because I have to and not because I want to or choose to. What I want seems to be a daydream I really never get to have. It drifts in and before it has a chance to form it disappears, elusively slipping between my fingers. I never seem to be able grasp it. It slides away, farther and farther, each time I try to reach for it. And then I wake up only to find I’m still trapped in this nightmare, a nightmare of a life with no joy, no happiness, no love, nothing but sadness for me. Each day I wake up. Each day I wonder. I wonder what it would have been like. To just have, the briefest of moments to be with you. To be a whole person again. To be a real person with a life again. To be what used to be me. I wonder about a life that can never be now. A life that, that by contrast, is so different than what I have now. I can not hope for this to be as I would like it. Doing so would mean not considering you and your situation. So instead I attempt to get through the day as best I. It comes for all of us eventually, but there is joy to be had if you embrace it before the end. We found something more. That some resisted that is a damn shame, but it’s not for everyone.’ She looked at Kress questioningly with a tilt of her head and a twitch of her brow. ‘What is it that you think you’ve found?’ ‘Slavery is freedom,’ she answered with a coy smile. ‘All I have to do is obey Her and all other possibilities are open to me. I don’t have to hide anymore. For instance, do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to fuck you?’ Kress eyes expressed her enjoyment at seeing Neral Jaye even slightly flustered. And her other soldiers equally shocked. ‘From almost the first moment I met you, tall and proud…naive and beautiful. I wanted to pull you from your bunk, pull you into mine, pin you to it, and make you forget men.’ She seemed almost sad in a way. ‘So many missed opportunities. So many beautiful women. So many women that I could have led to my bed with an order alone. They.
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